Don't pen me in!

The other day (yesterday to be exact,) I was (it's horrible) willing to sell my baby! Rather give him away! I know there are other couples who are trying to have a child, and they would be more then happy to take my screaming, (throwing things at me) baby! (what kind of mother am I)

I realized he just does not like to be "penned in" so to speak. I use a barricade in my living room to keep him in one area in front of the couch. So I went to babiesrus, and got a gate for our kitchen.....life has been great ever since! Of course these feelings of mine are overwhelming, how could I feel so bad that I would think someone else is more deserving of my baby!

I am just like Aiden. I don't like to be labeled and I don't like being told what I can't do. But I have realized that circumstances in my life have "penned me in" to things that I can't change (quickly.) I can't change that I love to dance and wish my parents would have put me in it at three, because I would have been the happiest little girl and gone throughout life dancing! Of course I can start now and be just as happy.

I think I might just write an autobiography, just to give myself therapy, of what I am "not allowed" to say, may someone will finally listen if it is in a book.(?) Not to sound bitter, but it is really hard to be going through all this "self finding" when you have a husband, and two kids.

But I think every mom, at any age or stage of life, goes though this, and probably not just once. It is just not always fun, or easy, but the thing I can always lean on, is that God is the one leading my crazy-ness, so I know it will only lead to good, and I love the peace I feel when I see a glimpse of what he is doing to me and my family!

Talk to you later!